Paint’s Blog

 kitties at Savannah Chatham animal control

do not contact this poster

go to animal control if you are interested in a cat,

they have 5 days then are put to sleep.

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pen 2 ( i lovee this kat)

 

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just way too much on my mind.. i would think with being emplyed again some of this would stop..

but as i lay in bed all kinds of stuff from the past few years just decided to flood back in my head.. maybe it’s being off a roadand hearing the cars or the  shot guns going off in the distace.. , maybe it’s the rain…. i’m not sure but something triggered this weird rsinking feeling.

i know i’m stressed for my country and i dought this health care debacle is helping…

but the stuff that was flooding back was my jack ass landlord  from, korea town in LA ,

and that  scum bag ,  david scanlan from  studio city.

the none who nearly raped me and worked by 40+ hours a weeks at slave wages ..

the  people who tried to rob me in LA,

getting assaulted .. by “clients who tried to steal a laptop…   you can see in a nut shell why i don’t miss Los Angeles on so many levels…

sure there are things i miss, i miss almost all my co-workers from digital domain… i miss some of the shops and eateries that are only on the west coast. but most of my real friends i can contact on face book.. i do miss the  good paying job…… if the good paying job wasn’t in a city that decided to tax us into and unlivable bracket….

it is hard laying here and weighing the pro’s and cons of the move sometimes i wonder if it wouldn’t of been a better idea to of just stuck it out..  maybe we could of stayed in that studio a few months longer and i could of affored to pay our rent .. maybe matt would of gotten a new job…. and we would of been ok….

then i watch teh news and see how badly CA is run into the dirt and  decide it’s probly better this way ..and i remember the aforementioned  “issues” that still haunt me  when i close my eyes and i’m alone.. Matt often wonders why i don’t like sleeping without him.. why i need to hold him at night.. one of those reasons is he protects me from those images .. from Dave, from that clockwork records guy who i don’t think  ever gave  us his real name..  ….  these things still are wounds that cut deep.

things i wonder if maybe i shouldn’t of tried to geta hold of my current partners  sooner and moved back east .. maybe i would of had a better portfolio…. but  what it all comes down too. is no matter what was or could have been i have to push forward ..  i do have a few news things from moving east .. sadly Savannah has not turned out to be the berst place for work in my feild but i knew that… i would rather be in Atlanta.. but maybe things are lining up for a change of pace..

lately i feel i should go a head and use some of my other talents . maybe see if i can get a job at animal control.. continue doing sales on the weekend for a large corp… and  web-admin in my sparetime build websites and make bumper  stickers for the tea-parties .

at this point i feel so torn.. i want to have my career but i want a family too.

i want to get out of debt. sometimes it feels like the closer i get the further i am ..

i’m just going to try to keep my head up. but. i feel like i’m just treading water torn between so many directions.. i almost just hope Matt gets a job at this point. in many ways he is the more talented of our duo..and i think it might be time to follow him. he moved to LA for me .. …..

i have a lot to meditate on….

although i miss working close to my feild .