new girl
My Matthew might not be mine any more,
It has not been the best 24 hours.
I have to see him today because he is my lead actor, but again I feel he needs space and even though i want to hold him right now and tell my self everything will be ok.
At the same time I’m afraid if i touch him he’ll pop like a little soap bubble and I’ll never see him again.
This is also a bad weekend for him, it’s the anniversary of his mothers’ death, and I know he misses her.
Matt’s is also unbelievably loyal, and keeps his promises, and he had promised a girl from up north he’d wait for her. Well it’s been 2+ years, and now she’s ready to comedown for school. She wanted to hang out the week over New Years. I’ll be in Florida with my family. So he’ll be alone, I was hoping to spend New Years with Matthew but it looks like now …
I’m scared. .
I’m just as torn over this as he is, probably more so.
Last night i told him i am his friend before I’m his girlfriend; But also that I’m a little biased on relationship advice right now.
I have never been so happy in my life as i am when I’m with him.
And losing him would kill me, but if he isn’t happy. Then he shouldn’t be with me.
Because if he isn’t happy It can’t last.
Like i wasn’t happy with jack,
And for 2 years he wanted to try to work it out.
Try to work it out.
I should of put my foot down 3 years ago and left then.
I want Matt to stay but i won’t force him.
Yes it will be emotional.
But I’ve learned that Things have to be mutual and I can only hope his ” i love you”s were more then words and he’ll keep the new girl over the old one.
” Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.”
William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616),
For aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth.
William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616), “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, Act 1 scene 1
i’m going out to smoke now .
